Presidential Race Vaudeville

There's several theatrical analogies circulating about this year's litany of GOP Presidential candidates, but Vaudeville is my stage setting scene for how the field of wanna-bees lines up. 

It doesn't take much imagination to create a comedy spectacle with the GOP candidates acting like wanna-be Presidents.  Perhaps it's time for a heroic parade entourage to save this comedic scene from turning into a tragedy.

In my mind, the funniest Vaudeville scene was when two competing Presidential candidates, Congressman Ron Paul and Governor Mitt Romney, both, tried to save Governor Perry's botched debate response last week, but he still couldn't get the words out.  It was like watching elementary school kids passing notes while the teacher writes on the blackboard. Governor Romney doesn't need debate coaching as much as he could benefit from simple civics lessons.  Just how many government agencies are there and, using simple subtraction, how many does he want to eliminate?  Governor Perry stumbled not just because his brain's cortex momentarily froze, but he simply didn't know the information he was presenting.   This stumble isn't funny for a potential US President and World Leader. It's not a Vaudeville Moment.  It's a melodramatic scene in need of rescue.

Even more startling is how Governor Perry's debate debacles ( the series of them) are lost in the spotlight of Herman Cain's sexual harassment situation with multiple women now willing to corroborate the charges. 

So, in my Vaudeville courtroom, the judge looks over the bench at these two candidates. He eyes Governor Perry and says, "I sentence you to 6 weeks of public speaking and civics lessons. You are dismissed."  On the other hand, the same Vaudeville judge peers over at defendant Herman Cain, slams his gavel and says, "Mr. Cain, I order you out of this presidential race, effective immediately!"

At this point, the Keystone Cops remove both candidates, exit stage left. Then, the judge orders the bailiff to find for the GOP a brand new, fresh, candidate- somebody who won't embarrass the courtroom with their presence.

Bailiff approaches the bench to stage whisper, "But Judge, what about Governor Mitt Romney?"  The Judge rolls his eyes and asks, "Oh, yes, forgot about him."


Next act of this Vaudeville is the brilliant White House, where the "Beaver Family" lives in harmony. In fact, before heading for work, the husband faithfully kisses his wife, and kids and pets the dog before going off to  solve the serious problems he faces every day.  Mr. President is experienced, polished, goes to church on Sundays, and, he's never had any personal scandal worthy of being a scene stealer.Plus, this President even knows how to speak in public without looking Vaudevillian.

Final Act is the line-up.  All GOP Presidential candidates, without Mr. Cain, are summoned by the Judge into the line up to be evaluated by  their performance, based on their knowledge of government, public speaking abilities, demonstrated leadership skills, and the ability to convince the judge they should remain on stage despite hooks on the sidelines trying to remove them.

As a reader audience asked to evaluate this Vaudeville performance, I probably don't have to provide an ending to this story.  It could be a Three Stooges ending, leaving everybody laughing.

On the other hand, the ending could be a knight in shining armor saving the day! Somebody, a hero, who enters from stage right, "Very Right", to sweep away the farcical stage rubbish.

We hear piano music bouncing in while the curtain falls. Then, a very cute blond smiling girl with sparkling red high heel shoes walks on stage with a sign board reading,

"....Intermission... until the performing candidates figure out how what it means to act Presidential".