A One hundred percent certain way to be sure American tourists stay far away from El Salvador

Echo opinion by Rex Huppke

We here at the U.S. National Travel and Tourism Office are proud to announce our new slogan: 'Come to America! There's only a small chance you'll be detained indefinitely!'

Greetings, international tourists.😁 I’m here to persuade you to ignore the fake news media and spend your vacation time this year in MAGAmerica, formally known as “America.”

Republicans are allowing an unelected South African immigrant to change every aspect of our American way of life.💨💥😡 

Under the stunning (RESIST❗)  of President/King Donald Trump and his billionaire regional manager Elon Musk, the United States has been transformed from a violent and deteriorating third world nation to the greatest place on earth. (Please note: “greatest place on earth” does not apply to people who say bad things about Teslas.)

In honor of the return of American exceptionalism, we here at the U.S. National Travel and Tourism Office are proud to announce our new slogan: “Come to America! There’s only a small chance you’ll be detained indefinitely!”

We have, of course, seen the reports that fewer Canadians are traveling to America, despite President Trump’s gentle trade war and generous offer/threat to annex their country. U.S. data showed a nearly 13% drop in Canadians crossing into our country in February compared with last year, but the Trump administration is working to swiftly eliminate Marxist “data” like that, so we’re not concerned.

And yes, we saw research firm Tourism Economics' recent estimate that international “inbound travel to the US is projected to decline by 15.2% compared to baseline projections,” which will result in “a $22 billion annual loss” in inbound travel spending. 

But again, those are “words” and “numbers,” and President Trump has made it abundantly clear those are illegal unless he likes them.
Consider all MAGAmerica has to offer foreign travelers

So forget that silly nonsense and think about what MAGAmerica has to offer you, the fabulous foreign traveler.

For starters, there are our beautiful national parks, which will be less crowded this year thanks to Mr. Musk firing about 1,000 U.S. National Park Service employees. No more bothersome “park rangers” telling you woke stuff like “please stay on the path so you don’t destroy delicate ecosystems” and “please don’t pee in Old Faithful.”

But it’s not just the natural parks or the numerous Trump-owned properties you will be required to stay at. International visitors coming to America this year could win … a free trip to El Salvador!

Depending on your accent and the color of your skin, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) could deem you a foreign gang member and then use the Alien Enemies Act to ship you off for a free stay at an El Salvadoran fitness facility, something the liberals lamely call “a labor camp.”

You and your family could be next❗

While only a select number of lucky visitors will receive what we’re calling “the El Salvador package,” every foreign tourist will get to experience America’s new-and-improved First Amendment, which gives all people the right to speak freely, as long as they aren’t critical of President Trump and don’t engage in the kind of protected free speech that makes South African immigrant Elon Musk angry or sad.

Maine Writer postscript:  Although many adventerous tourists like to explore exotic and off the tourist map places, the government of El Salvador has now created a fool proof way to be sure American tourists find other places to visit. Obviously, President Nayib Bukele would rather keep his nation's horrible prisons full than to support his poor country's destination tourism businesses.