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Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Twitter wars with inanimate objects






NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a stunning rebuke of the President-elect, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor keeping Air Force One and cancelling Donald Trump.

According to the poll, ninety-four per cent of Americans believe that Air Force One is qualified to be an airplane, while only twenty-one per cent feel that way about Trump as President.

When told that Air Force One has a mobile command center capable of launching a nuclear attack, a broad majority said that they would feel safer with Air Force One flying around with no one in it for four years than with Trump on board.

And, in perhaps the most troubling result for Trump, if a Presidential election were held today, Air Force One would defeat him by seventeen points.

Appearing on CNN, Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway called the poll results “meaningless” and said that they would not prevent Trump from starting Twitter wars with other inanimate objects.

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